Right Vs Happy

The long version of this entry's title actually reads: "Doing what is right Vs Doing what makes us happy".

I just came back from a movie with two of my best friends -- EC and SC.

EC's an old schoolmate I've known for over 10 years. He likes to take down the pegs on my shoulders and deflate my ego in his free time. Yet he is the best guy friend I ever knew - his sound advice, broad shoulders (for me to cry on) and moral support have lifted me out of the depths of depression more times than I can count.

SC is my 'elder sister' (tai ka jeh) from a previous company; we've hit it off since the first few months I worked there and shared so much joys & pains of our work there, our loves & heartbreaks and friendships with our colleagues-turned-excolleagues-turned-friends. It's amazing to see how strong bonds form out of undergoing some difficult times and how it bring us closer and dearer to one another.

By a stroke of good timing and lucky coincidence, two of my best friends in the world had the opportunity to meet each other. I'm happy that they did :)

But... I digress...

EC's girlfriend had 2 extra free tickets to the Charity Premiere for the movie 'April Snow' on Saturday, 22nd night and I happened to call him at the right time. It's a Korean movie starring Bae Yong Joon (of 'Winter Sonata' fame) and Son Ye Jin.

In a nutshell, the movie is about a man & a woman whose spouses were having an affair together and got involved in a car crash. The man & woman met at the hospital as strangers, to take care of their unconscious spouses. From the heartbreaking truth of their spouses having the extra-marital affair, the two of them become friends, and eventually became lovers themselves.

The movie got me thinking ~ how many times have we done things that make us happy (like in the case of the movie, starting that affair though they know they themselves or others will get hurt by it eventually) vs doing things that are right and noble (e.g. keeping to their marriage vows though their partners have done them wrong).

I have to admit, I've done the former much much more than the latter, like

Saying hurtful/sarcastic things to the ones I love because it makes me feel good at that time or because I refuse to let down my ego, but regretting it ever so much after that
vs
Biting my tongue becuase I know they are right and they scold/reprimand me

because they love me.

Staying up till 4am to read a good book/watch a wonderful movie though I end up

yawning more than 20 times at work the next day

vs

Being a good girl and sleeping early so I can go to work fresh (and on time!).

Indulging $$$ in some luxuries such as pretty clothes or a delicious meal

vs

Saving it up for something more worthwhile in the big big future I dream of.

I am a woman of more indulgence than restraint, of more spontaneous than well-thought through action.

But thank goodness, I am not always like that.

At many other times, I am also sensible, practical, realistic and use my common sense (though I often wish I'm more practical than what I am now).

In my life, I've done daring, stupid things in the name of love. And though they've caused me great trepidation and sometimes embarassment, in hindsight, I wouldn't want to do it any other way.

If not, how would I have learned to accept rejection gracefully? Or how would I have discovered that 'thumping heart' feeling you get when you express yourself looking right into his eyes? And how would I have steeled myself to make the first move to secure the guy that I think is the right one for me?

Life is about taking risks. Risks made in the name of love can be extremely stupid and hurt you deeply. But I think it is worth it.

To quote an old cliche: 'It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.'

It rings true for me, does it for you?

--------------
Disclaimer: I DO NOT support extra-marital affairs, but I am all for going the extra mile for the right person in the name of love.

P/s: A piece of advice - once you have loved and lost, it is better to let go and look back with a smile. Your lover may have hurt you with the departure, but imagine if you had never got to experience the love you shared, the warmth and the cloud 9 feeling at that point in your life. Wasn't it wonderful while it lasted? Forgive, and move on... You will enjoy life much better without the dark shadow of that thorn embedded in your heart. Be thankful that he/she who left you had the realisation early, rather than later, when you could be stuck with a home mortgage and 2 kids.

Resolutions

I have just finished a 5-week course on Meditative Life in Action: A Dialogue conducted by Bro Hor Tuck Loon every Saturday, 3pm @ SJBA. For this dialogue course, I've had to set aside my responsibilities or leave early from other activities like helping to decorate the vihara for Mooncake Festival (17/9), the Buddhist Business Network Members Gathering (24/9) a relaxing lunch with MS at Bangsar (1/10), lunch with colleagues after our retreat at Gohtong Jaya (7/10). And I must say I'm proud not to have missed a single session.

Although... I had to miss the 6th session (follow-up movie-viewing + discussion session) as Des & I plus 2 other friends drove to Penang to attend Keat's wedding.

The past 6 months have truly been very hectic and tiring for me; I had 12-13 hour workdays and stress from work (to chase on sales + planning for the postgrad event), and at the same time I tried to keep up with all the responsibilities and social obligations that I chose to commit to.

Of course, I'm still human, and along the way, I've suffered from mild depression, had thoughts of losing hope/quitting, trashed things out with friends and family and lashed out at my darling boyfriend when I'm in the darkest of moods. And yet, I survived through it all. I don't know how I managed to do it, but I did. Family & friends' support made a huge difference, and regular visits to the temple kept me s-a-n-e (and remain kind to others).

All in all, I guess it was a really good learning experience for me. They say that you can't grow if you don't have any challenges in life. I used to hate obstacles and difficult times - I always wondered why I couldn't have it easy like *some* people - they were born beautiful/rich/charming/confident/talented and things just happened easier in their lives compared to mine.

Then one day it dawned upon me that Life is NOT Fair. Not in the bitter sense of the phrase, but in the positive sense.

If we had no challenges in life, then how could life would never be as exciting & interesting as it is now -- we never know where the bend in the road leads us to.

If we were all born equal and the same, then we won't have the opportunity to have so many friends and colleagues (or even people on the street) who add so much colour into our life.

If we all had our dreams come true all the time, then we'll never be able to appreciate the good things that happen to us and feel the exhilaration and happiness after getting a 5-figure sales commission after a year's effort/running a 10km marathon/wrapping up a mega-project/paying the downpayment for our first house after a long spell of saving up hard for it.

These are all the results of great effort, dedication, discipline, a little bit of luck and sometimes sacrifice too.

I know 31 December 2005 is still about 2 more months away. But I feel like I've just closed a chapter in my life with the postgrad project executed with great success & attention from all quarters. And now I am ready to start a new chapter.

I decided to make some resolutions for the year end till 2006. Of course, I foresee that I may modify it due to change in time and priorities, but here they are for as long as I choose to stick to them. (Hopefully I can say I've crossed it out because I've achieved them).

(In no particular order) I resolve to:

1. Practise more focus & discipline during work hours so I can hit my target faster & leave office earlier in 2006
2. Lose 5kg by 31 Jan 2006
3. Improve my financial situation with prudent spending & appropriate investments
4. Be more loving and caring towards my darling Desmond
5. Meditate at least 3 times a week and go for a 1-week retreat at least once a year
6. Cultivate loving-kindness towards everyone in my life, even the tea lady
7. Practise a healthier lifestyle - exercise more regularly and avoid oily & junk food
8. Keep in touch with close friends more often via one-on-one meetings, gatherings, messenger, email or phone
9. Slow down a little in my life - take more time out for myself to stop & smell the roses and not tire myself with too much unnecessary social/work commitments
10. Start work on my action plan for results to be seen 5 years from now (2011)

If you see me breaking my resolutions or giving myself excuses not to keep them, please give me a strong REMINDER yea!

AJ over & out...